Gabrielle – “I’m an over stayer!” |
After her second mastectomy, Gabrielle Prince’s male oncologist said, ‘You have as much chance of getting another breast cancer as I do.’
Gabrielle’s first breast cancer was tiny when found in 2001. “I was a text book case,” she said. “We found it early and dealt with it quickly. Clear margins and no lymph node involvement.” She chose a lumpectomy with radiation to follow and her oncologist’s whimsical prognosis was based in part upon the timely delivery of the radiotherapy plan.
Gabrielle expected her radiation treatments to begin within the clinically recommended time but the hospital waiting lists were unacceptably long at the time. “I tried to do everything right – especially finding the cancer early – so I wanted to get on with the radiation but it was four months before they offered it to me and by that time I’d had a recurrence and didn’t need it. I needed a mastectomy.”
Eight months later, Gabrielle was diagnosed with a new primary in the other breast. Once again, it was found early with clear margins and a good prognosis. A year later, Gabrielle was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her neck and liver. “Then in 2005 they said, ‘You have six to eight months – better get your affairs in order.’ It’s now 2009 and I’m still here. I’m an over stayer! It can be quite embarrassing – I keep turning up!”
Gabrielle had enjoyed her job as a National Sales Trainer for a large retirement village organisation but decided to leave before her first course of chemotherapy began. “They gave me this huge farewell at work and, as it turned out, I could have kept working part time through my first round of treatment.”
While the first went well the second round of chemotherapy was hard on her. “My energy levels dropped so and I used all I could spare to look after my husband and our family. I have two children, two grandchildren and am one of six siblings. They all took this very hard.
“I started to step back and watch myself go through the process. It was fascinating. Before my diagnosis I thought, if you have cancer it’s the same animal, no matter where it is in your body – but it’s not and there are so many treatments for all the different types. I don’t think people realise that and I also think they don’t always understand that the cancer is a part of you – your body created it. I got swamped with advice about Auntie so and so who had this and that and I was given so many books to read. I was overwhelmed with information, always well intentioned but just too much.”
This prompted Gabrielle to tell friends and family how to talk to her, helping them to understand her situation. “I know how hard it can be for them and unless you help, this huge awkwardness can develop. I say, ‘If you want to know how I am, please ask me – and we can have a normal conversation too, about normal things – we don’t always have to talk about how I am.’
“People want to do something for you – they need to feel as if they are being helpful and they should be allowed to do that. I invite friends over and they say, ‘I’ll only come if I can bring the lunch’ and I say, ‘Well how ‘bout I do the salad and you bring the bread?’ They feel happy contributing something and they do it because they need to. It isn’t good to keep turning people down. It’s a joy for them when you ask for help – they feel honoured to be asked and we have to allow them this opportunity. Even if you don’t want them to do anything, make something up! You may not need it but it’s good for them.”
In spite of this openness, she feels people still treat her as if she is sicker than she actually is. “Last November people said how ‘well’ I looked and when I saw them again after Christmas at other social occasions they said, ‘When we saw you in November we didn’t think you would last until Christmas’! I have an email list of people who want to know and when something happens, I send a note. People can come off the list at any time.”
Gabrielle admits to being perplexed by her cancer. “I feel like my whole life is 50/50. Whichever way I go on this journey I seem to be doomed but yet I cannot just sit here and wait for something to happen to me. When all chemotherapy options are exhausted, I’ll try alternatives, I’ll look at healing – I’ll research all options out there that I might be comfortable taking. It’s about gathering information so I can make good decisions. Everyone travels this journey differently. Some want to know everything and some don’t. I certainly respect the decisions of others but I want to know everything.”
She welcomes questions from those who also want to know everything and replies with equal honesty. She is often asked what the pain is like. “It’s not a stabbing pain – more like a very bad flu where your bones ache, muscles hurt, feet hurt. The starting point for me is the small of my back and then it escalates from there. The pain saps my energy. Some days I can sleep from 9pm to 11am quite happily, get up and have brunch, go back to bed at 3pm, get up for dinner then right back into bed afterwards.”
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