Sue's Story

No Breasts great shoulders!
I was trundling along at 41 busy in my life with a partner, a career, a PhD thesis, a dog who needed walking twice a day, friend's and family all the normal stuff. I drank a bit smoked occasionally got a bit stressed at work had been on a diet since I was 14! I didn't know anyone who had breast cancer, it was right outside my life trajectory. Then I had a benign breast lump removed and there it was a 3 mm invasive tumour.

Nothing changed I still had a partner, a career a PhD thesis and a dog but everything was different that someone's daughter, partner, sister, auntie that one in ten woman, she was me. I was furious, confused, scared, and lonely. It was a good prognosis grade one tumour but there were costs, lymphadema from the radio therapy my lumpectomied breast looked and felt very different and that was hard for me to accept.

Intuitively I was concerned that the cancer would come back. I was right it did reoccur and 4 and half years later I had a bilateral mastectomy. It was a devastating decision to have to make but in other ways the experience as a whole was more positive.

The first time around I felt like I was on my own, this next time I wasn't. I also had strong connections with other breast cancer survivors and in them and through them I found a community of women that I felt I belonged too. At some point I was able to turn a stigmatised identity around and make it into a part of my self concept that I was proud of and felt liberated by.

I didn't have a reconstruction and I don't wear a prosthesis it is just me and my chest now, you think you will hate the scars but in the end you grow to love them. Recovery and living with the threat of a chronic disease process is just that it doesn't stop at 2 years or 5 years. It will always be a part of my consciousness and I believe that is the case for many women.

What has helped? Time, accepting myself, the love and support of significant others, good decisions, therapy, caring colleagues, and my band of survivor friends who are a kind of family to me now. All of these things have lasted long after the professional relationships ceased.

Finally taking my breasts home and burying them was also a reunification of sorts. So who ever you are reading this, cancer touches so many lives, it's a bad rap, but I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

Sue's Story

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